I was asked once by a mentor.... what is it to SURRENDER.....

I was asked the same question back to back to back, many times...... inviting Me deeper and deeper into my answer, into my truth about surrender, and my relationship to it

At first my answer was "surrender is to give up, to fail essentially"

with each ask and each new answer I began to cry..... I could see the little girl in me, who just didn't know. She didn't know it was safe...

safe to move slowly, to be held and supported, to be guided to safety, to be taken care of.... 

what came out at the end for me .... was that SURRENDER was to trust.... it was LIBERATION

My relationship to the word surrender went from FAILURE to LIBERATION, from QUITTING to TRUSTING. in mere minutes..... 

I reflect back on my life and all of the times I wanted to and thought I WAS controlling everything.... preparing for the worst case scenario so that I could be PREPARED...ALWAYS ( anyone else?) 

Literally ANY and EVERY situation, relationship, adventure, dining experience, medicine journey, meditation.... I wanted to be able to control the outcome....

Because I didn't feel safe. I didn't TRUST the infinite wisdom and power of the Universe and of my own intuitive guidance.... I was in full survival and ego.

What an interesting piece for me to learn..... NOW.... 

It's amazing ... being in this work, supporting others on their journey is what I imagine being a parent is like in the sense that your children ( in this case clients) are your biggest teachers..... what a gift this is.

I see myself deeper and more clearly the deeper and more clearly you allow me to see You.

and this goes both ways.....

when we lean in, trust and surrender to the infinite love and safety the Universe brings us..... we deepen into this life in the most beautiful way.

I have been gifted the greatest opportunity in the last 6 months to REALLY lean in and surrender to the guidance of Universe and my intuition.

Early this year I closed a beautiful chapter in my life... I held on though... I gripped and tried to change the outcome. I ended a relationship that was so kind, and so safe, and so loving. I walked away from plans to move to another country, to live in the sun, and to live a really sweet and simple life.

There was a knowing inside of Me that I tried to ignore.... that this wasn't my relationship to stay in, that the lessons had been learned and the contract was complete.

through months of shared tears and heartfelt conversations.... the time came. 

In that transition my home was gone, I had nowhere to live....

AND I was supported so fully by my friends and family as Tucker and I floated around house to house for months while my new home became available.

As I type this I still technically do not have a home..... and in these months of nomadic life, waiting..... I have found a peace that I have never felt before....

I just KNOW that I am supported. 

In this time of transition, I have found safety in my intuition, I have found play, and excitement, adventure, inspiration, creativity and love.

I was guided to this life and it was out of my control..... and only because I trusted and leaned into the surrender of what is... was I able to be here... and to be honest with you... right now, there is nowhere else I would rather be.

I am in Costa Rica, with the rain, as I look up past my laptop there is a field lush and vibrant green with a family of horses teaching their baby how to BE. there are frogs the size of softballs sharing this outdoor kitchen with Me, there are doggies everywhere. The rain is an invitation to simply just be still..... I am safe.... i don't have to run, I don't have to DO, I don't have to be anywhere or anything to or for anyone.... right now, I am safe, and I trust....

When we learn that we are in fact DIVINELY guided and supported, we learn to loosen the grip, we take bigger breaths, we receive MORE , and we release more.... we settle in breath by breath as the great mother holds her arms out for us to lean back into.....

the thing though ... is that it doesn't usually look the way we expected it too......

One thing I know to be true, is that we CAN'T DO IT WRONG..... each experience, each decision, is right for us for our personal journey and process.... and so if NOW isn't the time for you to fully surrender into the  support of Universe.... if NOW isn't the time you throw it to the winds and say "F&%K IT" ..... you are on your right path... and in the exact right timing...... this will make sense.... and surrender will feel like home.

In the exact right timing

i love you